What Makes a Star Shine? The Darkness.

THE TRUE SCOPE OF MY 17-YEAR STORY

Seventeen Years of Survival

This is not a story about one event.

It is not a story about one trauma.

It is not a story about one system failing.

It is a seventeen-year continuum of illness, disability, trauma, discrimination, violence, neglect, and survival.

For seventeen years I have lived through circumstances that most people will never experience in a lifetime.

My body has failed me.

Systems have failed me.

Institutions have failed me.

People have failed me.

And despite all of that, I am still here.

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Chronic Illness, Medical Trauma & Physical Disability

For seventeen years I have lived inside a body that repeatedly collapsed.

My experience has included:

• chronic pancreatitis

• multiple surgeries

• recurrent pneumonias

• chronic pain

• peripheral neuropathy

• nerve damage

• complications from medical procedures

• infections

• hospitalisations

• catastrophic pain episodes

• a foreign object permanently lodged in my sinus

• physical deterioration leading to paralysis

• long-term medical instability

Despite everything, I continued to survive.

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Neurological Disorders & Disability

I have lived with:

• epilepsy

• seizures

• blackouts

• severe dystonia

• dystonic storms

• movement disorders

• paralysis

• chronic neurological dysfunction

• episodes of losing bodily control

I have had to relearn basic functions that many people take for granted.

I have had to learn how to walk again.

More than once.

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Mental Illness & Psychosocial Disability

My mental health struggles did not emerge in isolation.

They developed in the context of:

• chronic pain

• repeated trauma

• medical instability

• discrimination

• institutional harm

• abuse

• lack of support

• repeated dismissal and gaslighting

I have lived with:

• depression

• suicidal thoughts

• trauma symptoms

• psychosocial disability

• executive dysfunction

• cognitive impairment

• isolation

• chronic emotional exhaustion

There were many times my mind wanted the story to end.

I survived those times too.

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Sexual Assault & Gendered Violence

My story includes sexual assault and gendered violence.

It changed my sense of safety.

It changed my relationship with my body.

It changed my nervous system.

It shaped much of what followed.

This is not a footnote in my story.

It is a defining fracture point.

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Discrimination & Human Rights Concerns

Throughout my life I have experienced patterns that I believe involved:

• disability discrimination

• stereotyping

• exclusion from support

• denial of dignity

• barriers to care

• failures of accommodation

• institutional retaliation after complaints

• being viewed as problematic instead of unwell

Too often I felt treated as a diagnosis rather than a human being.

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Medical Neglect & Harmful Experiences in Care

Across seventeen years I experienced:

• symptoms being dismissed

• emergencies being minimised

• physical illnesses being interpreted as behavioural issues

• psychiatric labels being used to disregard physical symptoms

• refusal of care

• coercive experiences

• traumatic healthcare encounters

• lack of informed consent in some situations

• chronic mismanagement of complex conditions

Many of my experiences left me feeling unheard, unsupported, and unsafe.

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Police & Institutional Experiences

I have experienced interactions that I believe involved:

• verbal abuse

• intimidation

• dismissal of legitimate concerns

• failures of protection

• mishandling of medical crises

• retaliation following complaints

• detention experiences I believe were unlawful

• entries into my home that I believe were unjustified

These experiences left me feeling powerless and unprotected.

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Digital Safety, Identity Misuse & Cyber Concerns

I have experienced significant digital and identity-related concerns, including:

• identity theft

• account intrusions

• SIM interference

• SIM swap attempts

• prepaid account interference

• phone number changes without consent

• domain loss

• Google Workspace disruption

• device compromise concerns

• repeated device resets

• evidence loss

• ongoing fears regarding digital security

I also became aware of:

• bank accounts allegedly opened using my identity without consent

• a Telegram account allegedly created using my identity and former phone number

These experiences created profound fear, uncertainty, and instability.

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Loss of Support & Disability Services Failures

I have experienced:

• loss of long-term support workers

• loss of daily assistance

• loss of system navigation support

• periods without adequate advocacy

At times I felt abandoned by systems that were supposed to support disabled people.

I experienced:

• inadequate funding

• lack of coordination

• barriers to accessing care

• overwhelming documentation requirements

• lack of crisis support

I was often left to manage impossible situations alone.

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Neurological & Cognitive Load

For years I also lived with:

• untreated ADHD

• executive dysfunction

• sensory overwhelm

• hypervigilance

• difficulty regulating focus and energy

• a nervous system locked in survival mode

Every task required more energy than people could see.

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Environmental Stress

I have experienced:

• lack of autonomy

• lack of personal space

• unstable environments

• limited opportunities to recover and heal

Without stability, recovery became harder.

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Social & Emotional Isolation

For long periods of my life I felt:

• unsupported

• misunderstood

• dismissed

• isolated

I often felt I had:

• no advocate

• no safe person to rely on

• no consistent support network

I carried responsibilities that no one should have to carry alone.

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Psychological Burden

I continue to live with:

• grief

• fear

• hypervigilance

• retraumatisation

• emotional exhaustion

• the burden of not being believed

• the pressure to remain functional despite everything

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Life Disruption

My experiences interrupted:

• my career

• my independence

• my stability

• my healthcare journey

• my creative development

• my business goals

• my future planning

• my sense of identity

I have spent years trying to rebuild what was repeatedly disrupted.

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Daily Survival

My daily life often involves managing:

• medical symptoms

• chronic pain

• trauma triggers

• digital safety concerns

• appointments

• emotional regulation

• fatigue

• executive dysfunction

Many people see only the outcome.

They do not see the effort required simply to get through each day.

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What I Am Grieving

I am grieving:

• the years I lost

• the safety I never had

• the support I deserved

• opportunities that disappeared

• the version of myself that existed before so much trauma

• the future I thought I would have

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What I Feel

I am terrified.

I am exhausted.

I am overwhelmed.

I am grieving.

I am angry.

I am confused.

I am hurt.

I am lonely.

I am scared of being disbelieved again.

I am scared of being retraumatised.

I am scared that nothing will improve.

I am scared I will never feel safe.

I am scared I will never fully get out of survival mode.

I am scared I will never be myself again.

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The Reality

This is not simply a story about hardship.

It is not simply a story about illness.

It is not simply a story about bad luck.

It is the story of a disabled woman who has spent seventeen years surviving chronic illness, disability, trauma, instability, and repeated systemic failures.

I should have received coordinated care.

I should have received compassion.

I should have received dignity.

I should have received support.

I should have received safety.

Instead, much of my life has been spent fighting for things that should have been available in the first place.

Despite everything, I am still here.

I am still standing.

And I am still telling the truth about what happened to me. I am using my lived experience of systemic abuse to create resources for others struggling to navigate systems. I have written keynote speeches, and I am not going down without a fight.

The systems are broken. There is a desperate need for somebody with the insight, the lived experience, and the ability to communicate clearly what needs to change. After everything I have been through, and everything I am still going through, I am not going down without a fight.

This is bigger than me. I'm not the only one who experiences this, and that's just not okay with me. This is how I keep going. Never again. Things have to change, and we need somebody to stand up and see what needs changing. I'm ready to be that person.

WHAT THEY BUILT AFTER

I built the person that I am today. I built the person that is going to fight for change. I'm building the website, the resources, the keynote speeches, my career, my family, my business, and the life I created despite everything.

Honestly, none of that is meaningful. I'm not in the "after" stage. I am currently still on this journey.

But somehow I created me despite everything and everyone questioning my reality, putting me down, and me having to beg for the bare minimum. Who I am today is what I'm proud of. Because for some reason, I still wake up every morning with hope, and I fight for the day. Because everything that tried to kill me did not kill me. Not yet.

You don't have to be healed to make an impact. You don't have to be healed to inspire because sometimes it's easier to inspire other people than it is to help yourself.